Surprises

Today was just one big surprise.

I left at 6 a.m. from Mosocw, headed for home, not quite sure what to expect on my long drive.

My list of surprises goes as follows:

At 6:28 (MST) I crested Lewiston Hill and witnessed one of the most beautiful sunrises I've ever seen.
I didn't expect to get to see it, because it was so cloudy.
But just as I got to the top of the hill, at the point where you can see for miles and miles around you, it happened. The sun broke through every single cloud in the sky, and the colors flooded the dark hills and brought them to life.
And it was a wonderful way to start the morning.

The next surprise wasn't really a surprise.
Or pleasant.
Coming down off the hill, I caught a whiff of what smelled like the biggest batch of the most German-like sauerkraut you'll ever smell in your life.
It wasn't a surprise, because Lewiston always smells like that.
And it wasn't pleasant, because I don't like sauerkraut.

I was surprised that the roads were completely clear.
I half expected them to be covered in snow in most places, making it a treacherous drive.
I was extremely thankful that the prayer I'd prayed this morning for dry roads had been answered.

Something that continually surprises me, is the absolute beauty of the state I live in.
I've made the drive south more times than I can count, but it never fails to take my breath away when I come around the corner at the very tip top of White Bird Hill.

I don't usually stop, but this time I did.
I've never been so happy to get out of my warm car, and stand on the tip of a cold mountain and experience all of God's glory and creation as I was today.

But the greatest surprise of the day came at the end of my journey, when I finally got home.
You see, I didn't tell my parents I was making the trip down here.

I arrived at the church where my parents were setting up for Scouts, and my dad almost didn't even say hello, even though I pulled the car right up next to him, and made eye contact with him. He did a double take and then realized that it was me standing there, hugged me and very promptly told me to kick my brother's butt when I got home.

I walked inside to find my mom in one of the Sunday School rooms, and she peeked out from behind the doorway she was standing in. She looked at me, looked away, looked back at me and stared at me for a solid 25 seconds before realizing I was standing there, in the flesh. She dropped everything she had, hugged me longer than I think she's ever hugged me before, and cried a few tears of joy.

A surprise that was caused by me, was by far my favorite one of the day.

Surprises come in all shapes and sizes.
Some are more enjoyable than others,
All are gifts from God, and things that will ultimately help us understand this life better.
But we should always remember to look forward to them, because if anything, they make our lives more exciting.

Love always,
Suz

Recklessness

Reckless: adj. 

1. utterly unconcerned about about the consequences of some action; without caution; careless. 

You know the word, and it's not usually used as a positive adjective. 

If you're said to be reckless, it more often than not means that you've done something stupid and didn't think about how it would affect other things in the future. 

But I've got a different spin on recklessness. 

And it's a good one. 

Last night, I learned of a new type of recklessness. A kind that still requires you to take risks not really knowing what the outcome will be, but instead of doing something stupid (like blogging instead of doing your homework), you're doing something that will (hopefully) result in something grand, and ultimately your glorification of God. 

Each and every one of us is blessed with a talent. Multiple talents, if we're lucky. 

Our whole lives we've been told to use those talents to do good things. To help people, to have fun, etc. 

That is no more true then than it is now. 

So you'd think it would be easy to use those talents, or those things we've been blessed with as freely as we breathe. But that's not the case. 

We're scared. 

We're afraid. 

We're cautious. 

Lucy, from the great C.S. Lewis's tale The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, asks of Aslan (who is portrayed as the God figure in the story, "Is He quite safe?" 

The response she gets is clear. 

"No. He's not safe at all. But he's good." 

No one ever said God was a safe route to take. 

No one said putting yourself out there and taking chances would be natural. 

It was never indicated that it would be easy, or that it would always be enjoyable. 

But it is good. 

And because of that, we're asked to be reckless with our talents, with our time, and with our hearts. 

We are asked to give up the safety and security of whatever it is that we're holding on to, and use it for the glory of God! 

I know that I don't use my time wisely. 

I don't invest in certain relationships, even though it's been made very clear to me that that's what needs to be done. And I definitely don't always want to surrender everything I have when I know so little about the future and what it holds. 

We all have the tendency to hold back. 

To be cautious. 

We've been taught our whole lives to ensure our security in a multitude of different things. 

But it's time we changed that. 

Take the leap. 

Recklessly abandoned the old you. 

Recklessly embrace the new you. 

Love always, 

Suz

iWrite

I wrote a poem.
Enjoy.

Go 
There on her wrist
etched in her skin
is a sailboat.
Motionless,
simple,
anchored.
Something is keeping it docked.
Something is keeping the wind from blowing,
from taking a hold of the sails
and embarking on a long
anticipated adventure.

There on her foot
etched in her skin
is a bird.
Fleeting,
wild,
free.
Something is keeping it from landing.
Something is keeping it scared in the sky,
from settling down
and embarking on a long
anticipated adventure.

There on her heart
etched in her soul
is a word.
Daunting,
calling,
loud.
Something is keeping it there.
Something is keeping it from the feet,
from the hands, the eyes and the mind
and embarking on a long
anticipated adventure.

Go.

Speak Simply

The American language is complicated.
I've always kind of known this, but it wasn't until yesterday in one of my classes that I realized...
English is really screwed up.

For example: We all know that there are different gender-oriented people and they all have labels and/or names. Lesbian, gay, homosexual, transgender, etc.
Over the years, we've invented these different words to cater to the wants of different people and their sexual orientations. And that's completely ok.
But what gets me, is that now there's a few new words.
Ze and hir.
Ze, is in place of he/she, and hir is in place of him/her.

Can you use it in a sentence?
Ze looked really fine today, I really wish I could talk to hir.
If someone is a girl, I'm going to say she/her.
If someone is a guy, I'm going to say he/him.
Simple as that.
Not because I want to hurt the feelings of those who don't identify with either gender or be politically incorrect, but because I don't feel there's a necessity to complicate things anymore than they already are.

What doesn't make sense to me, is that our language is already so messed up that I don't feel the need to continue adding bullshit words (excuse my language) to further confuse people. I honestly feel bad for other people that come to our country and have to learn English, because it is so hard. I would much rather stick to Spanish for the rest of my life, because at least it makes sense.

End rant.

With all that being said, I think that we all to often aid in the confusion of our language.
Granted, we all have different accents, meanings for words, and things are just different depending on which part of the country you're from.
But in a world of complicated things, why can't we just make one more of them simple?

I love writing, and I really enjoy being eloquent.
But that doesn't mean I need to jumble everything, use enormous words and confuse the heck out of people.

So speak simply.
You never know who is listening, or who is learning from you.

Love always,
Suz

Life is Short

Colton and I were never very close.
Although I'd known him since kindergarten, we were never best friends and we didn't really hang out with the same people.
But something that Colton and I had in common was that we both loved people.
He especially loved making people laugh. If I remember correctly, he was even nominated as our class clown.
He always had a smile on his face,wanted to be everyone's friend, never once cared what people thought, was constantly trying to make you laugh and definitely marched to the beat of his own drum.
We graduated as a class with only 92 kids in 2010, and we were all very close and have continued to be close over the last 3 years.

This morning, Colton passed away from liver cancer.

Our little town, the class of 2010, and his family are now short one amazing person. And we're mourning.

I think it's always hard to understand why God decides to take those people away from us that mean so much. We never quite get how it plays into the grand scheme of things. We get mad, we cry and wish things could be different. But they can't.

And that makes us realize that life is short.
Although we've heard that saying a hundred times, we never find it to be more true than when it hits so close to home.

So we have to take the bad, and look at the good.

I can't sit here and give anyone an answer as to why Colton had to go.
My only reasoning is that God needed someone else to make him laugh in Heaven.
And as much as it hurts now, and as much as we hate crying about it, I know that there is a greater plan that we could never even begin to fathom. And we have to understand that every little thing that happens is just part of that plan, whether it be good or bad.

With life being the way it is, we need to live like Colton lived.
Happy, friendly, giving.
This world is too full of the exact opposite of those things. And now that we have one less person exhibiting the positive traits, we have to make up for it.

So live life happy.
Be so happy that your happiness is infectious to others.

Be the greatest friend of all.
Be willing to sacrifice yourself and your time for the good of your friends.

And be giving.
You can never give enough.
Your heart, and your capacity to love are greater than you think, so don't be afraid to give it all away.

Colton, we love you and we miss you and your smile.
We will never forget your kindness and generosity for your friends and family.
We aspire to live like you.

Live is too short to not live it to the fullest.

Love always,
Suz

Listen, Be Still

I've always thought that I'm a good listener.

That is, until recently.

I love sitting down with people and hearing about their lives, letting them vent to me about their problems, maybe giving a little advice here and there.
So that is clearly not the problem.

The real problem, is I listen to everyone around me, and I don't listen to the one person who matters.

Yes, you all know who I'm talking about.

Sometimes it's hard to want to listen to the one and only person who really knows what you're doing with your life. The one who knows what's best, who can comfort you and tell you exactly what to do in any given situation.
Because we're stubborn.
I'M stubborn.
We all think we know what's best.
We stick with our "gut feelings" and believe me, that "feeling" has gotten me into trouble one too many times.

We think that the voice that whispers those "great" ideas into our minds is always right, when most of the time it's our own voice trying to justify our stupid decisions.

It wasn't until about a week ago that I realized how horrible I ACTUALLY am at listening.
With a new relationship being a possibility in my life, school, work and everything else I had going on, I had to shut the crazy out and let the quiet in.
And that's not an easy thing for me to do, because I like the busy.
I like the noise, the people, the whatever-I-can-do-so-I-don't-have-any-quite/down-time.

And you know what?
Sitting down and asking the big and confusing questions that I have for my life was probably the most satisfying and rewarding thing I've done in a long time, because I got some answers.

There weren't particularly answers I wanted to hear.

God told me to slow the heck down.

I've been speeding down my path, not stopping to look at street signs, not even glancing at the people that I'm passing by. And it only took me a moment to realize that I've been going too fast. I don't need any more tickets in this lifetime.

So I slowed down. I listened. 
And I've been listening to Him more and more since then.

"Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety." Proverbs 11:14

Wise words from the wisest of all.

Today, listen.
Because let's face it: none of us know what we're doing, where we're going, or why we're going there. So we might as well slow the heck down.

Love always,
Suz

Superpowers

I have a superpower.
It's so grand, that sometimes even I don't understand it.
My power, is the ability to make myself feel like something is all my fault.
Pretty great, right?

For example:
I completely and utterly feel 100% responsible for the way my last relationship ended.
Extreme? Maybe.
True? Yes.
Try to talk me down from it, I dare you.
It just seems like any way I look at it, it's my fault. Even though I know deep down inside that it's healthy and  good. It's just the way this superpower works. I must learn to tame it, and use it for good.

But really.

I've been blessed and cursed with this thing called empathy.
It's just another superpower of mine.
This one also gets me in trouble.
It gives me the acute ability to sense when others are hurting, and allows me to hurt with them.
You'd thing that'd be awesome, right?

Ish.

"I just feel so bad. I mean, I can't imagine how they feel in the situation. I guess they have a right to be mad/sad/frustrated/etc. I really hope I didn't do anything wrong. I probably did, so I understand where they're coming from."

Case in point.
People are my strength, but they are also my kryptonite.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that God gave us all "superpowers".
Together, we form a team.
His intent for them is often very different than what we really use them for.
And that's where we get the villains.

So my advice for the day:
Harness your powers, and use them for good.
Fight off the evil forces, fight for those less fortunate than you, and fight for those who are hurting and show them that someone loves them and that someone is always fighting for them.

We're all on the same team.
We should all take the blame.
We are all superheros.

Love always,
Suz


 

Best Friends

My best friend is moving home today. 
In fact, she just walked out the door. 
Now, home for her is only 2 hours away from here, and she'll be back soon to visit and collect the rest of her belongings. But that doesn't make it any easier. 

For the last two years, she's lived just a few doors away from me, and knowing that she won't be that close anymore makes me really sad. 

But it also makes me really happy. 
Happy that she gets to be with her family that she's missed so much. 
Happy that she gets to be in a place where she can grow and be healthy. 
Happy that she's going to be happy. 

Here's to being happy, and rejoicing in other's happiness as well. 
"Rejoice with those who rejoice;" Romans 12:15

And here's to best friends. 
Chloe SanFran, I love you and cannot wait to see your beautiful face again. 

Love always, 
Suz

Illusions

Sometimes, life is made up of a million little illusions. Which in reality makes life one big illusion, right? 
Like, I pretend like I'm an amazing basketball player. A baller, if you will. 
Some pretend like they know everything, even when they don't. 
Then there are those that are actually GOOD at illusions, like Drew Worsham. In case you don't know who he is, check him out here: https://www.facebook.com/thedrewworsham

(Shameless plug)

But I think one thing that every single one of us is good at, is performing the illusion that we're ok. 
I'm a pro at it. 
I'm a fake-it-til-I-make-it kind of girl.
I've spent of lot of time pretending. Covering up. Being an illusionist. 
It's my full time job. 

But on the flip side, illusions can always be solved, even if we think the Illusionist is too good to figure out. 
Proverbs 14:18 says "Foolish dreamers live in a world of illusion; wise realists plant their feet on the ground." 
Let's not be foolish. In a world full of foolery, we need something real to plant our feet to.


So I'm challenging myself to be real. 
With myself, with others, and with God.
Real in the Pinocchio-breaks-free-from-the-strings kind of real. 


And I'm challenging you to be real as well.  
With yourself, with others, with God. 

Pinocchio never sported the long nose or wooden look very well, and we don't either. 

Suz

Small Victiories

There are times in life when you have to celebrate the small victories.
Like remembering you have a blog. 
Or remembering you don't have 8:30 a.m. class in the morning. 
Or realizing you are loved. 

Sometimes when you feel like you don't have a lot to offer, simply remembering that you are loved is all it takes. And I've found that to be very helpful lately. 

So today, count up all your small victories. 
Add them up and know that they equal one very big victory. 
You are loved, for the win. 

Suz