Who's even reading this?

Homecoming week has come and gone, and it's been overly-exhausting. What a crazy time. I literally felt like I just had to update this, even though no one reads it. Sad day.

As long as I can vent somewhere, I'll keep writing.

Love always,
Suzza

Break me down.

There are some times, where I feel so moved by music, that I totally break down. It just grabs me, and shakes me to the core. So hard that I just cry. After a weekend like this one, I needed a break down...

This weekend was another one of those rollercoaster rides. Friday... was probably a night I wish I could do-over. I never knew I could be so ashamed and embarassed by one act. All I can say, is that I am SO thankful, and blessed that I have friends who can take care of me when I am incapable.

Oh but Saturday...
Amazing to say the least.

What would we do without those Theta Chi boys, who all smell so good, and act so sweet? I was asked to their Pledge Dance by the most precious boy you'll ever meet... :D I couldn't have asked for a better date, and overall, a better night.




These events all lead up to church tonight. I never expect to cry. But every week, I come out feeling totally broken. Sometimes in a good way, and sometimes in a bad way. Tonight, I was leaning towards the bad side. All it takes is those simple worship songs to tell me that I'm a complet idiot.

I know God is moving me through those lyrics, and those notes.
But why does it have to make me feel like I'm sitting at the bottom of a well?

P.S. I dyed my hair. Just in case you didn't catch that in the picture.

When life gives you lemons...

You'd better have some sugar, or your lemonade's gonna suck.

If I've been reassured of anything over these past 7 weeks, it's that life is one giant rollercoaster ride. Even when you think you're at the bottom, there's always another hill. I think I'm deciding it's a good thing, because it gives my life a little pizzaz.

Right now, I'd say I'm climbing back up to the top.

Highlight of the weekend? Saturday. Hands down. A lazy day of laundry and cleaning, a volleyball game with Theta Chi boys(which UI dominated by the way), and to top it all off, an invitation the the Theta Chi Pledge dance, which was extended by pretty much the most precious guy you'll ever meet. I think I even got a few butterflies. :)

best Day EVER!

Today is 10/10/10, and I have a feeling it might be pretty epic.

But I'm a little nervous to see if this epicness is good or bad.

Just another ride on the rollercoaster...

Unconditional something or other...

I'm blown away at the fact that no matter how many times I screw up, or make a fool of myself, I still have friends. You'd think by now, I'd be a total loner. For some odd reason, people still continue to like me. (Either that or they're just really good at faking it.)

I'm a little confused as to what makes my friends this way. What's it called? Unconditional love? Yea, that's it. Christ works their hearts in the most amazing ways... All I ask is that he works my heart the same way.

Speaking of Christ...
I made a puzzle piece bracelet at Resonate last week, and I'm supposed to wear it until I know where I "fit in" in God's big plan. I have a feeling I'm going to be wearing that bracelet for a long time...

*Insert Inspiration Here*

As my dad always says, "Nobody out West knows how to show up on time. They're always late for everything." This explains why I haven't blogged in so long...

College is no walk in the park.

But it is a life changing experience...

I can honestly say there are 2 things that have grown during my time as a Vandal.

1. Friend Count: So. Many. People. Amazing people. Who knew they would all change my life? Simply from the girls in my hall, to the people at Resonate. I'm almost at a loss for words. It's like I've been adopted. Except for all the messy paperwork.
-(Not only has my real life friend count grown, but my friend list on Facebook
has gotten quite larger as well. Which leads me to number 2...)

2. Amount of time spent on Facebook: I never would've guessed that I, of all people, would become a Facebook addict. But alas, it's happened. I'm actually really good at finding my way online when I'm supposed to be doing homework. Like now for example. No wonder I fail chemistry tests... Damn social networks. It really makes me wonder, should I be devoting my time to something more meaningful?

The obvious answer is yes. But this is one of those things where my heart and my head don't totally agree. It shouldn't even be that hard of a decision. But it is. Faith wise, I'm a complete mess right now. I can smile on the outside, but that doesn't mean everything on the inside is ok. I'm struggling to find exactly what I believe. Because I've been thrown in some situations where it feels like the right thing to do is curl up in a ball and cry, when I should be turning to God instead. Today for example was a day I told myself, "Jesus did not have today covered." I'm having a hard time believing that he's rooting for me, because all I'm doing is striking out.

But I'm trying. Trying to live a life like Jesus. I think.

Love always,
Suzza

Social Networking

Now-a-days, everybody and their brother have a MySpace, Facebook, Twitter or some other type of social networking account. I personally have both a Facebook and MySpace, although I rarely use Myspace anymore. Too many creepers...

As I was going through, editing and updating my pages I came across my "About Me" section. I was stumped at what to put. I got to thinking, what can I really put here, to tell people WHO I am? Someone who's never met me. How can I tell people what my interests are, and what I stand for? I don't think anyone can ever fully express themselves in one of these boxes. It's not enough. Which goes to show you, I'd rather have a face to face conversation about getting to know you rather then IMing you... call me old fashioned. Sadly, to be in the here and now, it seems you have to be connected to the world wide web in one way or another.

This was my random thought today, and my attempt to blog more often. :)

I'm Suzzanna. I'm 18, and I'm still scared of what's ahead of me in life. But I'm ready to fully take on whatever God's going to throw my way, and hang on tight. I love my family, my friends, my music, and my Lord. Take it or leave it, I'm happy.

My Calling

I've always heard people talk about how they've found their calling in Christ, and how it's taken them to the many corners of the world. But I've just never really thought too much about it.

But as my summer has taken me to Luther Heights once again, and now Camp Palisades, I've found my calling. Camp. That's where I belong, because I get this profound feeling when I'm worshiping in the mountains, and when I can lead others with the word of God. Being a counselor at Palisades, has prepared me for what I want to do. I'm finally realizing things, although it's taken me forever, and I'm ready to take action. I'm ready to follow where God leads me, but I have a pretty good feeling the end result will have me at a cabin in the mountains...

Times are changing...

We had our new teacher in english today. I can honestly say... I hate it. It's not that I hate the teacher. He's actually one of my best friends' dad. He's a cool guy. But... the room has been stripped down to absolute bare, white walls. All of his stuff is gone. It's extremely wierd. It's not even Hamilton's classroom anymore. It'll never be the same... As soon as I walked in and sat down, I wanted to cry. And in fact, I did. I don't know if it's just me, but I'm having a really hard time adjusting to all of this. I just want my teacher back.

I don't know how to take this. Do I take it as a sign? Is it preparing me for the future, full of change? If that's the case, then time, the world, everything must be working against me, because I'm not ready for the change. I don't like it one bit.

Oh me, oh my...

There has been a lot of drama lately. I'm sure most of you know about our teacher fiasco. Naturally, I have mixed feelings about the whole deal. I decided that I wasn't taking sides, because neither person was right. But as I think more and more about it, I've begun to take a side. No matter how hard I think about it, that's just what I think is right. I've shed so many tears over the past week, I'm sure I could've watered the Garden of Eden. Life throws us so many curveballs, that we just have to practice hitting them out of the park.

Who knew my senior year would be so emotional? It's just been a roller coaster. Up and down, and all around. Loop de loop and "Holy crap, I think I might throw up." Basketball season is coming to a close, and I don't think I've ever been more ready for something to be done with. I feel like my life is in fast forward. Or maybe it's just that I have too much on my plate. Do I? I try to keep busy, but it seems like I'm too busy at times. Maybe it's just that I'm a senior. And I feel like that if I sit on my butt, I'll be missing out on something. One way or the other, I need some serious organization tips.

College is also at the top of my list. Deciding where to go, will by far be the hardest decision I'll have to make. I'm so afraid, that once again, if I go too far away from home, I'll miss out on everything. But then again, I don't want to be too close, because I'm in need of a little scenic change. What can I do, but look at what's best for me, and what school will be FINANCIALLY best for me?

I'll end with this. I've decided that I need to blog more. It's a much better solution then punching someone in the face.

With love,
Suzza